The Project Gutenberg eBook of Anecdotes of the Learned Pig

This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

Title: Anecdotes of the Learned Pig

Author: James Boswell

Hester Lynch Piozzi

Release date: January 23, 2016 [eBook #51017]
Most recently updated: October 22, 2024

Language: English

Credits: E-text prepared by MWS, RichardW, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from page images generously made available by Internet Archive/American Libraries (https://archive.org/details/americana)

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ANECDOTES OF THE LEARNED PIG ***

The Project Gutenberg eBook, Anecdotes of the Learned Pig, by James Boswell and Hester Lynch Piozzi

Note:
Images of the original pages are available through Internet Archive/American Libraries. See https://archive.org/details/anecdotesoflearn00bosw

Anecdotes of the Learned Pig, with Notes, critical and explanatory, and Illustrations, By James Boswell, 1740–1795 and Hester Lynch Piozzi, 1741–1821.

ANECDOTES

OF THE

LEARNED PIG.

WITH

NOTES,

CRITICAL AND EXPLANATORY,

AND

ILLUSTRATIONS FROM BOZZY, PIOZZI, &c. &c.

Epicuri de grege porcus.

LONDON:

Printed for T. HOOKHAM, New Bond Street.

M,DCC,LXXXVI.

ADVERTISEMENT.

THE Editor is indebted to mere accident for his acquaintance with the following ſprightly performance; and, as it ſeemed to have been the Author’s intention to have written notes, from ſeveral detached papers having reference to the text, the Editor has taken the liberty to introduce them as ſuch, and add ſome trifling references by way of proof or illuſtration, which he hopes may not be deemed impertinent.

May 12, 1786.

[ 5 ]

ANECDOTES OF THE LEARNED PIG *.

THE great and learned Pig, of which it is our hap to ſpeak, was produced in a ſty belonging to an old Tory, [ 6 ] bookſeller, in † Moorfields. At that time Moorfields was diſtinguiſhed by rails which ‡ fluttered with party writings and libels of every ſort; and it is remarkable that his mother, during her pregnancy, tore down from thoſe rails, and fairly devoured one whole volume of Filmer and all Sacheverell’s ſermons at a meal; after which ſhe was obſerved to grunt more and louder, and to lie longer in the ſun, and deeper in the mire, than it had before been her cuſtom to do. She was delivered of our Pig on the morning of the tenth of June. He was ſtrong and bony, but of an inelegant form, and betrayed a very uncommon roughneſs in his ſqueak; and it was ſoon after remarked by the neighbours, that his [ 7 ] trottings after his mother were made in § zig-zags, and not in ſtraight lines as is uſual with other pigs. After his mother, however, he reſolutely trotted, and one morning, as ill fortune would have it, into a garden which had belonged to the great Milton, and was now in the poſſeſſion of one of his daughters. Here he fed voraciouſly upon white roſes, whilſt his lady mother was buſily employed in rooting up all the red ones. He was in this place ſeized by the owner, and ſo ſeverely whipped, that he thought no other than that ſhe was whipping him to death in preparation for a luxurious meal. Of this whipping he retained through life the higheſt reſentment, and bore ever after the moſt inveterate hatred of the whole Miltonic line. On the fifth of November following he was taken up, without any warrant, by the rabble, for the uſes of a Whig feaſt, and was very near being roaſted at the ſame fire with the Pope, the Devil, and the Pretender; but this [ 8 ] being diſcovered to be ſomething meaſly, he was turned looſe to be cured, as they deridingly ſaid, by the ◊ royal touch. Of this event he retained the ſtrongeſt ſenſibility, and conſidered ever after his fellow ſufferers, the Pope and the Pretender, with great complacence, if not affection; but as to the other party, though expoſed to the ſame diſhonours, there was ſomething in his horns and his tail which he could never be brought [ 9 ] to endure. The touch already mentioned, though profanely ſneered at by the Whig rabble, was ſoon afterwards in good earneſt applied; but ſo great an obliquity of head had by this time taken place, that it could never be perfectly reſtored. Upon this memorable occaſion there was placed about his neck a ribband of true blue, to which hung a ſilver coin, diſplaying royal lineaments of the Stuart line, making ſo ſtrong an impreſſion on his young fancy, that for that line he ever after retained the moſt # paſſionate regard. Thus decorated, he conſidered himſelf, and was conſidered by others, as a kind of ♦ Tantony, or St. Anthony’s Pig, belonging to the Crown. Not long after this period he was [ 10 ] heard one morning as he lay in the ſun to grunt forth, portentouſly the following rhymes:

Gruntledum, gruntledum, gruntledum, ſqueak,

I hope very ſoon to be able to ſpeak;

Through my griſtly proboſcis, I find, that I can

Already cry Ay like a Parliament man:

Like a maid I ſqueak, like a lover can whine,

And ſnort like an Alderman laden with wine.

Gruntledum, gruntledum, gruntledum, ſqueak,

I hope very ſoon to be able to ſpeak.

* “He was not at all offended, when, comparing all our acquaintance to ſome animal or other, we pitched upon the elephant for his reſemblance, adding, that the proboſcis of that creature was like his mind moſt exactly, ſtrong to buffet even the tyger, and pliable to pick up even the pin.”—Piozzi, p. 205.—N.B. For elephant our author probably read pig.

† We have ſought for information concerning this fact, that the gentleman deſignated in the text was born in Moorfields, or that his father was a bookſeller there, which, however, we confeſs to have heard, but when or where we can by no means remember.

‡

Cloath ſpice, line trunks, or flutt’ring in a row,

Befringe the rails of Bedlam or Soho.

POPE’S IM. OF HORACE, Ep. I. B. 2.

§ “When in company where he was not free, or when engaged earneſtly in converſation, he never gave way to ſuch habits, which proves that they were not involuntary.” I ſtill, however, think, that theſe geſtures were involuntary; for ſurely had not that been the caſe, he would have reſtrained them in the public ſtreets.—Boſwell’s Tour, p. 9.

◊ The pretence of a miraculous power in the cure of the evil was the moſt extraordinary ſtrain of that King-craft of which James the Firſt ſo loudly boaſted. No manly man, under the circumſtances of the caſe, would have ſet up this pretence, or have expected any effect from it but that of public deriſion and contempt; but weak and credulous men take, perhaps, the beſt meaſure of human weakneſs and credulity, and ſo deep did this fraud ſtrike its roots, that, authenticated as it was by the clergy, and annually certified by the ſurgeons and phyſicians of the royal houſehold, it ſurvived the civil war, was reſtored with Charles the Second, extended beyond the revolution, and was only extinguiſhed by the act of ſettlement, which, taking the principles of the Britiſh government out of the clouds, placed them on the firm baſis of the earth. The pretenſions of Alexander were of a bolder and more rational ſort, and held to be ſo important, that his ſucceſſors, who had no kindred intereſt in the horns of Ammon, yet mingled them in their crowns and tiaras, till at laſt the Roman Titans tumbled from their ſeats one after another theſe fictitious gods. The moſt deceitful glimmer of divine claim ſeems to have had more influence on the mind of the perſon who ſeems to have been deſignated in the text, than the moſt ſolid principles of political right.

# “I mentioned Lord Hailes as a man of anecdote—He was not pleaſed with him for publiſhing only ſuch memorials as were unfavourable for the Stuart family.”—Boſwell’s Tour, p. 312.

♦ Tantony pigs were pigs who belonged formerly to the Convent of St. Anthony in the city. Collars were placed about their necks, inſcribed St. Anthony. They fed all over the town, and out of reſpect to the fathers of that convent, it was uſual for the paſſengers to give them biſcuits, and other things carried for that purpoſe in their pockets. The pigs of courſe followed the paſſengers in this expectation; and hence came the expreſſion of one perſon’s following another like a Tantony pig.

This being publicly known, the neighbours now put on him a human coat, in which condition he appeared as if the Hog in armour had deſcended from his ſign-poſt to mingle in ſociety, and converſe with man. Nor did they ſtop here, but ventured alſo to recommend him for a penſion to the great miniſterial hog, though, for the preſent, however, without effect; for though it was evident enough that our learned Pig could ſay Ay, yet it did not follow that he would be [ 11 ] always diſpoſed to do ſo. He was therefore turned looſe into the ſoil of this great town to ſubſiſt as he could, where, idling and rambling, he picked up ſometimes flowers, and ſometimes thiſtles, a great number of Greek and Hebrew roots, with an immenſe quantity of verbage of every ſort *. It is for his honour that he routed in this rich compoſt for years without giving any offence, except that, through reſentment to the Miltonic line, he aſſociated rather too long with a very obſcene animal of the pig kind, called a † Lauder; and except, [ 12 ] that he was taken ſometimes with ſtrange freaks, and fancied [ 13 ] once that he ſaw ſomething in the ‡ ſhape of a ſound of a knocking; and excepting alſo his too ſonorous gruntulations, and that long concatenation of ſoapy bubbles which [ 14 ] uſually frothed from his mouth §. In the midſt of theſe reſearches he had one morning the good fortune to throw up this ſentiment in rhyme:

Say, what is a Tory? A Tory is he

Who thinks kicking ſhould paſs through every degree;

And that all political motion ſhould go

From the toe to the bum, from the bum to the toe.

Then what is a ◊ Whig? A dog full of knavery,

A raſcal, a ſcoundrel impatient of ſlavery, [ 15 ]

A malignant, a thief;—then tell me if Whig

Be any more better than gruntledum pig?

* The perſon here deſigned is allowed by the courteſy of the times to poſſeſs a nervous and elegant ſtile; but ſo unhappy is the writer of this note, that he can by no means concur in the general praiſe. He has a notion of Saxon ſimplicity, from which all departure, not enforced by neceſſity, and regulated by taſte, aſſimilating, as much as may be, foreign words to the genius of the Saxon tongue, is to him intolerable. But the writer here ſpoken of was wholly deficient in taſte, and appears to refer his Engliſh to ſome foreign ſtandard chanting forth polyſyllables, and tiring the ear with dull returns of the ſame cadences, for ever advancing like a poſt horſe, two up and two down, and incapable of changing his pace, without throwing both himſelf and his rider in the dirt. But hack writers, like hack horſes, find it for their eaſe to practiſe an uniform rate.

† There is, ſays a remarker on the life of Milton, a high degree of prepollent probability that the letter in the Gentleman’s Magazine for the month of Auguſt 1747, page 363 and 364, ſigned William Lauder, came from the amicable hand of the writer of that life. I do not, however, believe that the writer of Milton’s life was in the ſecret of Lauder’s forgeries, the fact itſelf being of ſo extraordinary a nature, that it is not probable that any two perſons, ſeparately capable of committing it, ſhould ſo fortuitouſly meet together; yet ſuch was his malevolence towards Milton, that we muſt admit it to have greatly clouded his underſtanding. He undoubtedly wrote the preface and the poſtſcript to Lauder’s publication: in alluſion to which, Doctor Douglas ſays, that ’tis hoped, nay ’tis expected, that the the elegant and nervous writer, whoſe judicious ſentiments and inimitable ſtyle point out author of Lauder’s preface and poſtſcript, will no longer allow one to plume himſelf with his feathers, who appears ſo little to have deſerved his aſſiſtance. Lauder confeſſes his guilt in a letter to Doctor Douglas, and takes all the obloquy on himſelf; but in a ſubſequent letter he declares, that the penitential one was written for him by that very gentleman, who has ſince written the life of Milton, and makes ſome complaints of a breach of friendſhip, in which he had placed the moſt implicit and unlimited confidence; but as he never charged, that I know of, the writer of Milton’s life with any participation in the forgery, we impute to him nothing but a ſtrange malignity which darkened his underſtanding. It muſt be owned, however, that he cut off the wreck of Lauder with great management, as well as competent ſucceſs. I remember that he boaſts in his life of Milton of his having written a prologue to the Comus of Milton, for the benefit of one of his grand daughters. This, I ſuppoſe, he would paſs for his benevolence; but he muſt excuſe me; I am not ſo much the dupe of charity as to believe, that he who ſo brutally calumniates Milton, his father, mother, uncles, wives, and children, and all unfortunate ſouls that trace him in his line, would be moved by any charitable diſpoſition towards any deſcendant of Milton’s, as being ſuch. The fact, I believe, is, that, finding Milton reduced by the labours of his friend Lauder to a level with his wiſhes, he practiſed, in concurrence with Mr. Lauder, one further act of malice, and endeavoured to fix an obligation on Milton in the perſon of his granddaughter, conferred by his moſt inveterate foes as the effect of ſatiated vengeance, converted into mingled pity and contempt. If there is any harſhneſs in this note, let it be remembered, that it ſpeaks of a man who, in the inſtance mentioned, let looſe the moſt outrageous malignity againſt one, who, whatever political errors he might have imbibed in common with a great majority of the nation, was, however, as a private man, of ſo exemplary a virtue, as to do the higheſt honour to literary purſuit, and whoſe genius, as a poet, conferred celebrity on the nation itſelf, and in whoſe protection therefore we ought to have taken a greater ſhare.

‡ The hiſtory of this knocking is curious; it forms ſuch a drama of comedy, tragedy, and farce, from its firſt commencement in Cock Lane, paſſing through the ſolemn vaults of Clerkenwell, and then to Weſtminſter Hall, as, I believe, never was exhibited in any other country; a drama wherein childiſhneſs and age, gravity, dignities, folly, fraud, ſuperſtition, and credulity, were all largely and confuſedly thrown in to thicken the plot. That the perſon here deſignated ſhould carry out of this ſcene any reſpectability of character, is a proof that either he muſt have poſſeſſed great intrinſic worth, who could bear ſuch large deductions, or that public opinion has ceaſed to be the teſt of merit, if any baſe metal can in this manner paſs current for gold.

§ Our biographer ſhould have told us alſo, that once he joined the train of fancy, and paſſing the limits of fact, entered by the Shakeſpearean gate into fairy land. But in an evil hour, “No favouring Sybil marked the devious way.” Never was man or pig ſo aſtounded! and no wonder. He had ſtumbled unaccountably on the creations of ſenſibility, and found no correſponding emotions within; yet, unconſcious of defect, he pretended a knowledge of the country, and even offered himſelf as an unerring guide; but not long; for, tired with the maze, he gave way, at length, to new adventurers, and fled as another Gulliver out of Lilliput, where he had only encumbered the land.

◊ “No man, however, was more jealouſly attached to his party; he not only loved a man the better, if he hated a Whig. Dear Bathurſt, ſaid he to me one day, was a man to my very heart’s content; he hated a fool, and he hated a rogue, and he hated a Whig; he was a very good hater.”—Piozzi’s Memoirs, p. 83.

“Pulteney was as paltry a fellow as could be. He was a Whig, who pretended to be honeſt; and you know it is ridiculous for a Whig to pretend to be honeſt.” Boſwell’s Journal, p. 424.

Talking of Granger—“The dog is a Whig: I do not like much to ſee a Whig in any dreſs; but I hate to ſee a Whig in a parſon’s gown.”—Ibid. p. 312.

There needed no more; a penſion was immediately hung about his neck, and the letters L. L. D. ſoon afterwards impreſſed on his rump *. And now who but our Pig? lying in the ſun, cheek by jowl, by the great miniſterial Hog, routing in the political ſoil, and throwing up daily the moſt delicious [ 16 ] pig-nuts with his ſnout; nor did theſe diſcoveries reſt wholly in himſelf; for the great Hog would ſometimes let fall, from behind, certain rich, but often crude and ill-digeſted, materials, which were taken up in the Weſtphalian mode by our Pig, and delivered again better concocted to the many-headed beaſt: and hence we were taught, that Taxation was no Tyranny, and that a good American war was a very commodious and ſalutary thing. Great applauſe enſued, but not unattended with envy, there being at the time many ſnarlers who have ſaid, and now ſay, that it were better if our Pig had been, before this period, well ſouſed in the pickling tub, and that even the great miniſterial Hog himſelf had been hung up for bacon. I decide nothing on theſe brawls; yet, having reſpect to a certain ſuppoſed dignity in our Pig, it may, perhaps, excite ſome wonder, that he, whoſe politics were of no older a date than his penſion, and who had hitherto never routed out of the moral track, ſhould all at once lend himſelf out in this manner, and make his conſcience reſponſible for meaſures, of the principles or effects of which he muſt have been ſo incompetent a judge. But I anſwer in few words, that, like all other [ 17 ] politicians, he had his propenſities; that it was, perhaps, the nature of the animal, and that mingling his humours and his reaſon together, there might have been a competent ſincerity in the caſe. But what ſhall we ſay to the indecency of his turning up the graves of Pope and † Swift, (for I ſpeak not now of Milton) and goring them, Tories as they were, with ſo malicious a tooth? I anſwer, firſt, that they were not Tories. Pope placed his glory in moderation; and Swift was the renegade of one party, without being the convert of the other. But it was not Whig or Tory, I believe, which now moved our Pig: there are other inſtinctive enmities in the world. Theſe men of real genius were ſatiriſts by profeſſion, and the natural enemies of Pigſ—“The fewer ſtill I name,” ſays Pope, “I hurt the more.”—“Bond is but one, but Balaam is a ſcore;” and again, “An hundred ſmart in Timon and in Balaam.” And I believe that our Pig ſmarted in Bentley, Tibbald, and poſſibly in many others; the ſtorm [ 18 ] had but juſt patted before him, and he heard the arrowy ſhower ſtill rattle in his ear, and was conſcious, perhaps, that had he come forth a day ſooner, he would have been placed in a diſtinguiſhed, but, to him, a very unpleaſant, niche in the Dunciad of Pope,

“Sacred to ridicule his whole life long,

“And the ſad burden of ſome merry ſong.”

* Our author daſhes away from thing to thing with very little method or order. He might, however, have touched on the occupation of a ſchoolmaſter, ſo honourable for a pig; in proof of which, we could have furniſhed him with the following document:

“At Edial, near Litchfield, in Staffordſhire, young gentlemen are boarded and taught the Latin and Greek languages by Samuel Johnſon.”

ADVERTISEMENT IN THE GENT. MAG. 1736, p. 428.

† “He ſeemed to me to have an unaccountable prejudice againſt Swift; for I once took the liberty to aſk him, if Swift had perſonally offended him; and he told me, he had not.”—Boſwell’s Tour, p. 38.

Where he inſults therefore the mighty dead, his rage is at leaſt natural; and when, to wound Pope, he ſuborns the tongue of a * kitchen wench, he preſerves, however, a nice proportion between his end and his means, doing, with very ſingular propriety, the baſeſt thing in, what muſt be allowed to be, the loweſt way. But we abſtain, we affect not gravity, we even forget his almoſt felonious attack upon Milton, and proceed. We have already noted the facility with which [ 19 ] our learned Pig could ſay Ay. It was a great accompliſhment; but he had alſo his defects. † No art, no inſtruction could ever bring him to make a tolerable bow, or indeed to practice any civil grimace whatever; and his higheſt approach, in this way, towards humanity, never went farther than to entitle him, from the moſt exquiſite judge, to the character of a very reſpectable Hottentot: and hence he became at laſt to be conſidered as a very great ‡ Bore; under [ 20 ] which diſgrace he retired to a brewery in the Borough.—Happy retirement! for here he was fed with the freſheſt grains by the fair hand of a lady, who condeſcended to become the prieſteſs of our Pig; a lady who had acquired the Greek language without loſing her own, and whoſe manners and latinity were both equally pure. How great therefore muſt have been his grief, when he afterwards ſaw his fair provider melt away into the arms of a ſoft, but doubtleſs ſinewy Signor, and bathe herſelf, as it is yet her fortune to do, in the voluptuous warmths of Italy. But her’s, however be the praiſe, that, compoſed of gentle paſſions, ſhe conſcientiouſly ſacrificed, at thirty-eight, fortune, freedom, and England, only to legalize her delights. Never in any future period may ſhe be repentant of her choice, but always find in the joys of [ 21 ] harmony a compenſation for the decays of love. From the fair hand of this lady our Pig was not only fed with the fineſt grains, but with the choiceſt green peas alſo, the earlieſt of the year—delicious food, as he himſelf confeſſes—for a § Pig. By her too was prepared for him the moſt inviting draff, which he ſwilled up at all hours with huge avidity and delight. But the lady had her humours; ſhe grew tired of one thing, and fond of another; ſhe ſought, upon preſſing inducements, the great rendezvous of Bath; and ſo the joys of the brewery had an end. Many were of opinion, (for who can pleaſe all,) that a certain diſtillery in the neighbourhood would have been a more apt and proper retreat for our Pig;—but there were difficulties; I enter not into domeſtic affairs; but whether there was any whiggiſm, or rivalſhip, or jealouſy, or what elſe in the caſe, I know not; but certain it [ 22 ] is, that Sir Joſeph and he could never, as they ought, well pig together. During the happy period above mentioned, it came into the fancy of our Pig to journey into Scotland in the character of a travelling bear, with a ragged ſtaff in his paws, and a ◊ monkey on his back. When he firſt obtained a penſion, he had been very affectionately conſidered by the people of that country, and in a manner naturalized, and become one of them; but he diſcovered ſoon afterwards, and more particularly on this occaſion, ſo much of the badger in his diſpoſition, that they found great reaſon to complain of the ſtrength and harſhneſs of his jaw. On his return he reſorted again to his beloved brewery, as yet profuſe of grains and draff, where he grunted forth, as was his cuſtom, many ſtrange and ſingular things, faithfully now on record, pretending alſo to cure certain mental diſeaſes by the medicinal qualities of his tongue; but its extreme roughneſs the ſenſibility of his patients could not bear. Enough has been ſaid; the reſt ſhall [ 23 ] be left to Bozzy. Yet we will add, that with all his peculiarities, he had virtues and merits enough to make us heartily wiſh he were ſtill in being:—But, alas, it is paſt, and he is now cutting up into junks, to be ſold pro bono publico at nine different ſhops in retail.

* Moſt of what can be told concerning his petty peculiarities was communicated by a female domeſtic of the Earl of Oxford, who knew him, perhaps, after the middle of life.—Johnſon’s Lives of the Poets, 8vo. vol. 4, p. 141.

† And yet certain it is that no pains was ſpared for this purpoſe; for “my mother (ſaid he) was always telling me that I did not behave myſelf; that I ſhould endeavour to learn behaviour, and ſuch cant.” Indeed his defect in this particular could not be overlooked by his moſt partial admirer; for “I ſuppoſe none (ſays ſhe) who ſaw his odd manner of geſticulation, much blamed or wondered at the good lady’s ſolicitude concerning her ſon’s behaviour.”—Piozzi’s Memoirs of Johnſon, p. 24 and 25.

‡ Cant words are uſually begot in a cellar by fun upon folly: but the word bore and boar has another origin; it was begot on a ſofa by Madamoiſelle Ennui upon herſelf, and brought forth into the world in the midſt of the ton. The roar and fury of the river Severn the people of the country call the boar. A female ſaint was reported miraculouſly to have ſhed tears: the fact was denied by a Madrid carpenter who had made the ſaint, “becauſe (ſays he) ſhe is not only compoſed of heart of oak, but if ſhe had been at all diſpoſed to weep, ſhe muſt have wept when I bored an aperture with my largeſt augre in her rump.” And thus teazing and vexation of every kind may be called a bore. A dun is a bore, and a ſermon is a bore, and ſo forth; but the greateſt of all poſſible bores, in whatever ſpelling, is a huſband, a bore at night, a bore in the morning, and, in ſhort, one general univerſal bore. Our author has uſed this faſhionable word with the moſt perfect propriety, in a ſenſe ſatisfying the very letter, as well as ſpirit of the word.

§ When we went into Wales together, and ſpent ſome time at Sir Robert Cotton’s at Llewenney, one day at dinner I meant to pleaſe Mr. Johnſon particularly with a diſh of very young peas.—“Are not they charming?” ſaid I to him, while he was eating them.—“Perhaps (ſaid he) they would be ſo—to a Pig.”—Piozzi, p. 63.

◊ This paſſage ſeems inexplicable. We have had reſort to Bozz, but in vain: the ſtaff, indeed, he readily acknowledged; but as to the other aſſociate, or who, or what was meant, neither he nor we were able to diſcover.

TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE

Original page numbers are shown like this: [ 24 ].

Footnotes have been resequenced and moved from within paragraphs to natural breaks in paragraphs. We would ordinarily have moved the footnotes to the end of the book, but we did not wish to entirely deprive you of the ambience that readers of the original printed book enjoyed.

Original printed spelling and grammar are retained, with one exception:

Page 3. “refeences” changed to “references”.

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ANECDOTES OF THE LEARNED PIG ***

Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed.

Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark license, especially commercial redistribution.

START: FULL LICENSE

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK

To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work (or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at www.gutenberg.org/license.

Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™ electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property (trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.

1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.

1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the United States and you are located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when you share it without charge with others.

1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any country other than the United States.

1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:

1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, copied or distributed:

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™ trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.

1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™ License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™.

1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project Gutenberg™ License.

1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website (www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.

1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works provided that:

• You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.”

• You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ works.

• You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of receipt of the work.

• You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works.

1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.

1.F.

1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.

1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE.

1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further opportunities to fix the problem.

1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.

1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.

1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any Defect you cause.

Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™

Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from people in all walks of life.

Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org.

Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit 501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws.

The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact

Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations ($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt status with the IRS.

The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate.

While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who approach us with offers to donate.

International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.

Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate.

Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.

Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.

Most people start at our website which has the main PG search facility: www.gutenberg.org.

This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™, including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.